A Return to Prayer

If you’ve been following this blog for any amount of time, you know that I’ve struggled with the concept of prayer. I’ve had things in my life not work out anywhere close to the way I prayed. And I had done everything I knew to do. All the tricks to get God to do what I wanted Him to do, I had tried. I had prayed frequently, fervently, and faithfully. I had used scripture. When I finally came to what I thought was the end, God had in no visible way answered my entirely biblical request. So for a time, I gave up on prayer. Obviously I had a lot wrong here. Prayer is not about me pressuring God to do what I want, and gradually I came to realize that. I tried to come to terms with the fact that God knew best. It still didn’t make any sense to me, but I knew that God was good, and that somehow He had a plan.

And then He answered.

It’s hard to even put into words how incredible this is to me. All that time when I thought He wasn’t listening, He heard every word I said. All that time I thought nothing was happening, He was working. All that time I thought the answer was no, it was actually trust me and wait. I got a relationship back I thought I had lost forever. I’m still stunned, and incredibly grateful, and wishing I had trusted Him more.

I’m not saying the answer is always going to be yes. I’m not saying you’ll always get what you want. Frankly, there are still some situations in my life which I have prayed over and I don’t like.  There may be heartache and confusion and agonizing waiting. But never doubt that God hears, friend. Never doubt that He is working. He has a plan, and He is good, and we can trust Him completely.

Eternal Arms

I give it all

no hope or dream reserved

no insult given

as though I could not trust

the One who for me

such a price has paid.

Eternal arms

shall catch my mortal frame.

Dare to Hope

I’ve heard New Year’s described as the worst holiday. There are moments that I am inclined to agree. January first is heralded as a beacon of hope, a time to begin afresh.

But what if there is nothing new about this New Year?

I think, at some level, we are all afraid of this. We look back on the past year, or maybe many years, and we wince a little, because it hurt. And we’re scared that we’ll keep hurting.  Scared that the relationships, the finances, the fill-in-the-blank hard circumstance will stay the same. Scared, also, that we will stay the same, full of faults and fears and powerless to make a change. This fear can make cynicism feel safer than hope. We don’t want to be disappointed again, so we give up hope, and stop expecting that this year will be any different.

But friend, I dare you to hope!

Hard things never last forever. Failure is not final, pain is not permanent, and sin never has the last say. I’m sure there are things in your life at this very moment that you wish were different. I know, because there are things in my life that I wish were different. I have a list, and if I’m not careful, I get stuck there. But we are not stuck there! Rom. 8:28 says, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” I’m not saying the hard thing is good, and I can’t say when it will end, but I can promise you that it has a purpose and that purpose is good.

Maybe New Year’s will never be your favorite holiday, and that’s fine. Just remember that God’s mercies are new every day, and dare to hope in that.

Telling Myself the Truth

I haven’t made a New Year’s resolution, and I don’t intend to. But if I did, it would be this.

Tell myself the truth.

I’ve worked hard in the past years on speaking the truth to my friends and family. Sometimes it’s as simple as turning a negative conversation towards something positive, or purposing to compliment others often. Other times it’s more direct, involving a Bible verse or a personal testimony. I’ve also tried to weave avenues for encouragement into my daily life. I know from personal experience how desperate for encouragement seemingly put together people can be. And yet, telling myself the truth can be difficult.

There are times when my inner dialogue can get really dark. Thoughts like I should have gotten up earlier, I am so awkward, or I am such a failure pop up frequently. Many of these thoughts, at their core, communicate a lack of trust in God. It’s all up to me; what I accomplish, the quality of my relationships, even my spiritual growth. Needless to say, stress and depression frequently follow these lies I allow myself to believe.

But what if this year, I rewrote my life script? What if I wove the truth I need to hear into my daily life? Would it make a difference in my mood, relationships with others, and my relationships with God? I know the answer is yes. The truth always makes a difference. Let’s tell it to ourselves, as well as to others.